Connect Cards
Healthy Relationships and Setting Boundaries
Helps participants build healthy relationships and practice setting boundaries
Thoughts
Learning Objectives:
- Define what personal boundaries are and why they matter
- Identify their own boundary preferences and comfort zones
- Practice communicating boundaries assertively
- Recognize when others’ boundaries are being crossed
- Develop strategies for maintaining healthy boundaries in different situations
Materials Needed:
- Masking tape for floor boundaries
- Index cards
- Markers/pens
- Whiteboard or flip chart
- Sticky notes
Part 1: Icebreaker – The Boundary Line
10 minutes
Setup:
- Use masking tape to create a long line on the floor
- Designate one end as “Completely Comfortable” and the other as “Completely Uncomfortable”
Facilitator Script:
“Today we’re talking about personal boundaries—what they are, why they matter, and how to set them in your lives. Let’s start with an activity to get us thinking about where our boundaries actually are. I’ve created this line on the floor. This end [point] means you’re completely comfortable with something, and this end [point] means you’re completely uncomfortable. I’m going to read several scenarios, and I’d like you to physically stand on the line where you feel your comfort level is. There are no right or wrong answers—this is about understanding yourself and seeing how everyone has different boundaries. Remember, it’s completely okay if your position is different from others—we’re all unique with different experiences and comfort levels.”
Scenarios to read:
- “A stranger asks to borrow your phone.”
- “Someone you just met wants to hug you.”
- “A friend asks to borrow $20.”
- “Someone looks through your text messages.”
- “A family member enters your room without knocking.”
- “Someone at school or work raises their voice at you.”
After each scenario:
“Take a look around and notice where everyone is standing. We all have different comfort levels, and that’s okay.”
Debrief questions:
- “What did you notice about where you stood compared to others?”
- “Was there a scenario where you were surprised by your own reaction?”
- “Did you notice any patterns in what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable?”
- “This activity shows us something important: boundaries are personal and different for everyone. What feels fine to one person might feel invasive to another. Understanding and respecting these differences is a big part of what we’ll talk about today. What have your experiences been with boundaries?”
Part 2: Understanding and Setting Boundaries
30 minutes
Part 2a: What are Boundaries?
5 minutes
Facilitator Script:
“So what exactly are personal boundaries? They’re like invisible fences that define where you end and others begin. Setting boundaries is about having a healthy relationship with yourself. They help you protect your physical and emotional space, your time, your energy, and your personal values.
Boundaries come in different types:
Write these boundary types on a board or large paper:
- Physical boundaries – about your personal space, privacy, and body
- Emotional boundaries – protecting your feelings and mental energy
- Time boundaries – how you use and share your time
- Material boundaries – your possessions and money
- Digital boundaries – online privacy, social media, texting expectations
- Sexual boundaries – about consent, and what is ‘okay’ and ‘not okay’ for you in sexual interactions. This can change moment by moment, and it’s normal if it does. For example, what was ‘okay’ thirty seconds ago (that I liked), is now ‘not okay’ (and I no longer like it or want to do it).
Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out—they’re about creating healthy relationships where everyone feels respected. Boundaries are also not about controlling other people (for example, saying ‘you wearing that outfit is violating my boundaries’ would be about attempting to control another person’s actions by claiming it’s a boundary violation.)”
Part 2b: Recognizing Boundary Violations
5 minutes
Facilitator Script:
“How do you know when your boundaries are being crossed? Your body often tells you first.
You might notice:
- A tight feeling in your chest or stomach
- Feeling suddenly angry or anxious
- Wanting to escape the situation
- Feeling resentful afterward
These feelings are like warning signals. When you notice them, it’s worth asking yourself: ‘Is someone crossing my boundaries right now?’
Some common boundary violations you might experience:
- People taking your things without asking
- Being pressured to do things you don’t want to do (making a demand of you, instead of a request)
- Someone sharing your personal information without permission
- People making decisions for you without consulting you
- Others dismissing your feelings or telling you how you ‘should’ feel”
Part 2c: Understanding Your Own Boundaries
5 minutes
Activity: Boundary Reflection
“Take an index card and divide it into three sections:
Take 3 minutes to write 2-3 things in each zone. These are private—you won’t have to share unless you want to.”
Part 2d: Communicating Boundaries Effectively
10 minutes
Facilitator Script:
“Setting boundaries is one thing, but communicating them effectively is another skill entirely. People can know what not to do, but we don’t often say what to do. Let’s talk about how to express boundaries clearly without damaging relationships, communicating what is okay and what isn’t okay (it’s okay to knock, it’s not okay to come in).
The key elements of boundary-setting are:
- Be direct and clear – Vague boundaries are easily misunderstood.
- Use ‘I’ statements – ‘I feel uncomfortable when…’ rather than ‘You always…’
- Stay calm but firm – You don’t need to apologize for having boundaries.
- Be consistent – People learn your boundaries by how you enforce them.
- Respect others’ boundaries too – This creates mutual respect.
Let’s practice with a simple formula:
‘When [situation happens], I feel [emotion], so I need [specific request].’
For example: ‘When you come into my room without knocking, I feel my privacy is disrespected, so I need you to knock and wait for me to say it’s okay to come in.’
- It’s important to know that this method may not be safe to use in every boundary setting situation, if being vulnerable with the other person does not feel safe.
- Not everyone has or understands boundaries.
- Differences in power need to be considered when setting boundaries. Boundary setting looks different when approaching a parent, partner, boss, or kids.”
Discussion:
- How might it be difficult to set a boundary with a boss?
- Could get fired or reprimanded if boss doesn’t understand
- What would you do if when setting a boundary with a parent, the parent says “no”?
- May have to seek other methods to keep yourself safe
- What do you do when your boundaries are repeatedly violated?
- Find alternative ways to communicate, seek help from someone you trust
- What do you do when someone has a hard time with change?
- For example, “I didn’t realize this was a problem, but I have been doing it for a long time and now I have to change.”
- How can you tolerate pushback, knowing that you didn’t do anything wrong?
- For example, the other person may not understand or agree that what they are doing is crossing a boundary and could argue with you.
Part 2e: Role-Playing Boundary Setting
5 minutes
Facilitator Script:
“Let’s practice setting boundaries with a partner. I’ll give you some scenarios, and you’ll take turns practicing setting a boundary using the formula we just learned.”
Scenarios:
- Someone keeps borrowing money and not paying it back
- A friend constantly texts you late at night
- Someone pressures you to skip school/work
- A person makes comments about your appearance that make you uncomfortable
- Someone wants you to keep a secret that feels wrong to keep
“Remember to use the formula: ‘When [situation happens], I feel [emotion], so I need [specific request].'”
Have 2-3 volunteers demonstrate for the group first, then have everyone pair up.
Part 3: Closing Activity: Boundary Commitment Cards
5 minutes
Facilitator Script:
“As we wrap up today, I want you to think about one boundary you want to set or strengthen in your life this week. It could be with friends or family, at school or work, or even with yourself.
On the index card, write:
- The specific boundary you want to set
- How you’ll communicate it (the exact words)
- What you’ll do if someone crosses this boundary
This card is for you to keep as a reminder. Setting boundaries takes practice, and it might feel uncomfortable at first. That’s normal. Start small with boundaries that feel manageable, and build from there. Remember that having healthy boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s an essential part of self-care and building healthy relationships. When you’re clear about your boundaries, you actually make it easier for people to have good relationships with you.”
Final Group Share (If time permits):
“Would anyone like to share one insight or ‘aha moment’ you had today about boundaries?”
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